Awkward Laughter

Because most things in life are humorous, even when they shouldn't be

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What’s Your Superhuman Power?

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The midpoint of the week can leave us all feeling restless. So I thought I’d propose a little game of What’s Your?

What’s your (fill-in-the-blank)? is my favorite question to ask people when I’m first getting to know them. Since this wonderful world of blogging is all about sharing, I’m asking you: “What’s your superhuman power?” We all have at least one.

Bridge Bench Press

I’m not talking about the leaping-tall-buildings-in-a-single-bound or bench-pressing-bridges kinds of powers (although if you can do that, please don’t hold back). I’m talking about those daily life activities that befuddle most folks but that you can do in your sleep.

I used to say I had three: parallel parking, fitted-sheet folding and editing. Not bad as superhuman powers go, but after years of bragging, I’ve discovered my Kryptonite.

Superhuman Power #1: Parallel Parking
Kryptonite: RAV4
From age 15-35 this was my #1 skill. I could maneuver into the tightest of spaces in one effortless attempt. I even drew applause a time or two.

But it turns out that if my parking prowess was one part skill, it was five parts small car. After a solid 20-year run, I bought a RAV4 and learned that I too would need to pass by the primo street spot, cruise on down to the garage, and walk.

Superhuman Power #2: Fitted-sheet Folding
Kryptonite: Laziness (or Apathy)
While I’m not going to pretend that I match the machine-manipulated crispness of sheets fresh from the store, I can fold the fitted variety with a precision that would make Martha Stewart smile.

Problem is: I hate doing laundry, and I don’t care if my linens look like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. I’ve got better things to do, like writing about made-up superhuman powers.

Superhuman Power #3: Editing
Kryptonite: Self-editing
I’m pretty sure my coworkers cringe when they send their writing to me for a once over. I don’t know what it is, but errors just jump off the page. Inconsistent tense? Caught it. Extra space? Removed. Misused their, there and they’re? Take that, homophones!

But when I turn that eagle eye inward, all power is lost. From blurting out inappropriate statements to typing its for it’s, I can’t edit myself worth a damn.

I almost wrote “dam” to illustrate the point, but I know that once I press “Publish,” I’ll find a half a dozen unintentional mistakes. Grrr!

New Superhuman Power: Monkey Toes
Kryptonite: TBD
As I wrote this post, I realized I effectively had debunked my earlier claim that “we all have at least one” superhuman power. Stupid Kryptonite!

Then I remembered Toemail, a hilariously creepy and entertaining blog dedicated to “making the world a better place, one foot at a time.”

Eureka! That’s it. My monkey toes. Scoff if you like, but when I spread these bad boys out, beware.

Monkey Toes

These 10 little piggies might never go to the market, but they can pinch, prod or pick up just about anything on command. They’ve saved me countless hours of cleanup time, and probably several trips to the chiropractor, as there’s never a need to bend down to snag that shirt off the floor.

So there you have it. My superhuman power. What’s yours? Comment if you like, or if you’ve written about yours previously, share the link too. Happy Humpday!

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8 thoughts on “What’s Your Superhuman Power?

  1. This is fun, pictures of your adventure, and a question that invited me to be delighted about everyday exceptional abilities. Mine is that I can “clap” my feet. So with my legs straight out, knees aren’t bent, I can bend my feet at the ankles until the bottoms are touching, then I clap them, usually at a gathering after people are on their second round of cocktails. The Kryptonite: boots, and I love boots, so usually at parties, I’m just regular.

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    • That is hilarious! I’ve never seen anything like it but wish I had. Thanks for playing along!

      (p.s. I love boots too, which is unfortunate living in Florida. But I also love sandals, so go figure.)

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  2. Oh I’ve got a fantastic superhuman power too!- Now right away you might be thinking out loud to yourself: ‘Well, sure, that’s really rather obvious Mr J. After all, you do on rare occasions post the most poorly crafted imaginary constructions and ludicrously ludicrous pseudo-aphorisms imaginable in all the blogosphere. And, as if that was not obvious enough in revealing your extraordinary gift; there’s always that annoying insistence of yours to hit’ volume 11′ on your productions of nonsensical nonsense by prominently placing a clip from those cool-kid detested Irish popstars on each post ‘

    You’d be right, of course; and my vanity would blush openly with such acknowledgement towards my super-powers of foolishness. And I must say, my proud vanity in such matters is very much justified. See, my foolish power is not something I take for granted you know. No, I’ve worked like no one else to hone this power of mine. If a gold-metal winning Russian figure-skating pair happened to witness my training regiment in all things of ridiculousness they’d weep with Putin tall-guy envy. Not the terribly tragic, nor the hilariously humorous, escapes my power when it comes to detailed ludicrousness.

    But, after all that, did you know I have another uber power as well? Its true! Yes, I know, right about now you’re probably letting out one of those long melancholy sighs while pondering to yourself why the hell should yours truly here get such much lavish attention showered on him by dearest Mother Nature? But who can comprehend her great mysteries I ask?—she moves in ‘mysterious ways’—hah you knew I’d find away to reference them. lol

    So…have you guessed this other stroke of my good fortune yet? I should think it very obvious by now. Well, my silly Ms. Kim, if you’ve somehow managed to suffer through all this awful laboriousness so far then you’ve no doubt discovered that no ordinary person—and I mean absolutely no ordinary person, can produce such inanely long-winded out of control blog comments as moi. So there you have it. Two Superhuman powers all my own! 😉

    P.S.
    I absolutely love your blog! You Rock the world in the coolest silliness!

    P.S.S.
    Of the many grammatical disgraces performed on this endless comment none can be attributed in any way toward my own deficiencies and intellectual limitations. Its really not my fault…honestly! You see, my editor is a very lazy fellow and refuses to work any over-time to cover my lengthiness—claims I have to pay him time and a half, or some such ludicrous demand like that. I know right, the audacity of some people! I’d fire him on the spot course, but he comes quite cheap and the economy’s not the most robust at the moment. And I suppose he’s a very very close relative of mine who currently insists on living with me and well….it’d be a bit awkward around the house 😉

    P.S.S.S.
    Did I tell you your blog Rocks! Well then, now it Rocks squared! 🙂

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  3. This is so great! I actually found you through “Toemail’s” blog and so happy I did!
    Hmmm…superpower? I have remarkable reflexes when it comes to dropping things. I am incredibly clumsy and am able to usually catch whatever it is I happen to be dropping at the moment. It’s quite a convenient superpower, I must say!

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  4. Pingback: When to Say When: 30:30 Somethings | Awkward Laughter

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